I’ve been a long time user of Future Me, a service that lets you send emails to the future. At the chosen date, when you least expect it, you will receive a letter detailing your worries, dreams and aspirations at this moment in time. I like these emails because they capture the not-so-picture-worthy moments that throw back photos can’t. A few days ago I received a letter I wrote 5 years ago and it gave me a lot to think about. In this particular letter I wrote all the things that preoccupied my mind at the time (I was in college), in no particular order: good grades, travel, losing weight, great career. As care-free as those days look in photos, these letters remind of the intense reality I was living in. Most of the time I wish I could write back.
See, I’m a maximizer when it comes to goals. That means I’ll throw myself into a goal, reach it, only to jumpstart the next one. Unlike satisficers, who know when to stop, maximizers keep moving the goal post. This is an inevitable outcome of my upbringing. Anyone raised by African parents, (I suspect parents everywhere) understands the pressure, its not enough to just top the class, the real prize is in staying on top, then the prestigious college, then the fancy job, the fancy car … you get where I’m going with this. At every opportunity I was reminded of the quote:
It is easy to become number one but so hard to stay number one.
either through the picture on my wall or impromptu speeches. It’d be a miracle if I didn’t turn out the way I did. So yeah, that’s how I ended up exceling in school and getting the most exclusive opportunities to where I am today. From early on, I understood that time is too precious to be wasted not chasing dreams. It became a priority to be optimize it for maximal reward, it became standard to always be upto something, catching goal after goal like pokemons.
The problem with pokemons is there is always more. However much you’ve already caught, its never gonna be enough. While maximizers are busy zooming in on what we are lacking, we fail to appreciate what we already have. That’s what I would write back to my younger self. I would tell her that she is at a healthy weight and shouldn’t obsess over calorie counting; the career that she wanted so badly will turn out to be a job that didn’t have to consume her; she definitely has more room for fun and perhaps will be better off figuring out who she is besides her achievements. If I could write back I would nudge her to appreciate how good she had it and hopeful make her realize that if the goal post is always moving, any attempt to reach it is by definition, futile.
I’m reaching to the maximizers, to anyone who feels they have to be hard on themselves for simply existing through the pandemic. I don’t have all the answers but I do know that perspective is key. When you catch yourself spiraling into thinking its not enough,it helps to think past the moment. Knowing what you know, what wisdom w you pass to your younger self? What are you taking foregranted right now? 5 years from now, when hopefully life is somewhat normal, what will you remember about these trying times? Will whatever you are stressing about still be important? If future you could talk back what would they say? If one things is certain, its that the future will come to pass. I hope when it does, you will look back with no regrets because life is a series of fleeting moments.