Quick question: How do you get your rice? No, rice is not a codeword for anything sketchy. I know its an odd question but bare with me for a second. I don’t have an answer to that question at the moment but not too long ago I had very detailed answers; I could point you to the closest grocery store with the best deals on long-grain rice, the exact aisle and the best time to shop. In other words there was a time when acquiring rice was a mindless chore and I suspect it is for most people because we rarely talk about it. That doesn’t necessarily mean that its insignificant, we just dont think about it much once we have a process, it only comes up again when there is a change like say, moving.
I’m a creature of habit. Almost everyday I rise early for a morning workout, shower then have peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast. I run the same route and bike the same trail, week after week. Don’t get me wrong, I have space for spontaneity and adventure but a decent chunk of my life runs on autopilot. I don’t have to stick with it but I do it anyway. What one may find rigid and boring, I see the sweet aroma predictability and efficiency. In the chaotic landscape of life, I take comfort knowing that my mornings won’t change. I’m no doubt a fan of routine, a fact that hasn’t made moving easy.
Due to a host of factors I’ve had to move to a different city very close to my previous one. Even though it is the smallest move I’ve made, it wasn’t easy. I was anxious about leaving my routine behind and the comfort that came with it. I was unease about leaving my old network behind for a place where I hardly knew anyone. I dreaded the thought of making a mistake or landing in a place that was much worse. I was infact clouded by fear which turns out was all in my head.
I’ve lived on this planet long enough to know that fear is just an overreaction to the unknown and it doesn’t stand a chance against details. So, I turned the fears to questions for which I would search answers, as detailed as possible. “You will end up a worse-off place” became “What do you need in a home?”, “What parts of your routine are non-negotiable?”. The questions turned to lists: I need proximity to trails/ great walk score for my exercise routine, I need proximity to stores to make chores (and therefore acquiring rice) efficient, I need a friendly and secure neighborhood for my mental health and of course I need all that in my price range.
It wasn’t enough to simply list priorities. There always seemed to be a never ending trail of questions like: Would you settle for a place missing one or two of the priorities? How would you work around it? Is there a workaround? Subconsiously my brain was working very hard to avoid the absolute worst case scenario which being undefined made it seem a lot scarier. I was expecting misery and desperation but when I flashed out the details it didn’t seem all that bad. Perhaps, I’d find a place that is not to my liking but in the worst case scenario I had a place to live and that was a liberating realization. It gave me confidence to get skin in the game.
Ideally, I would report that I found a great place and lived happily ever after, but this is not a fairy tale. The struggle continued even after moving into a place that checked most of the boxes. Among other things, I have yet to settle into a new routine and figure out my rice situation. There is discomfort, not to mention inefficiency, in having to think at every step from figuring out where things are to operating new appliances. Mistakes are bound to happen and sometimes it can feel moving backwards. This can be said of a bunch of other novel experiences like travelling to new destinations, trying new cuisine, forming new relationships, starting on a new job/project among others. Change is not easy and that is probably by design.
The brain is wired for efficiency, it has a “system” for run-of-the-mill things so that it doesn’t have to think about them over and over. These are things you can do in your sleep. New experiences, on the other hand, don’t have a system yet, special attention and therefore more effort is needed to execute them. To be better prepared for next time they happen, the brain’s novelty receptors send chemical signals to stimulate memory. Therefore while change can be difficult and exhausting, it gives us opportunities to sharpen the brain and make memories. As the new systems cement, uneaseness fades after which we are left with memories, be it good or educational ones; not a bad return.
We often reject change, due to fear and inertia that comes with it. Fair, but as much as there is merit in keeping things as they are, there are also missed opportunities. Not all changes are for the better but even terrible ones either teach us something or make for a good story. So, the next time you catch yourself dismissing the idea of something different, question yourself, do the math, dare.