Its always out there, the one thing (that you think) will fulfill you: the dream job, the dream partner, the dream house. Everyone is talking about the thing that will solve all their problems; something they have seen from other people, almost always never what they already have. Much has been documented on the lengths we will go just to keep up. Makes you wonder, does the world really run on envy?
The answer is yes, envy does run the world. Infact, I’m not sure how else we would fill our time without it. It drives even the most intrinsically-motivated people you know. I like to think that I’m self-motivated but to be frank, all I’ve ever wished for was born out of envy. I was envious of what I saw of other people. The smart ones, the ones that got to go abroad, the ones that got scholarships, the ones that got promoted, the ones who were physically fit, the ones who had something of value to the world. The world needed more of what they have, so I worked my way into becoming them. While envy didn’t sustain my pursuits, it definetly planted the seeds.
Envy often gets a bad reputation but we don’t give it the credit it deserves. It not only exposes our deepest desires but also the fact that they are achievable. Its almost always about things that are slightly out of reach but not unfathomable. I have every reason to be envious of Jeff Bezos but I’m not because he lives in a completely different reality. However I am definetly envious of the colleague who gets all the recognition and the runner who is a little faster than me. Envy plants the seeds which once internalized becomes goals.
Here is the thing though, it’s never really about the goals. Once we get to the other side, we realize (or not) that the goal didn’t fix us. We are still vulnerable and hungry; basically back to where we started. I’m living the life I dreamt about years ago but I’m nowhere near content. The only time these goals matter is when I talk about them and perhaps make a good impression. Otherwise they are just pokemons I collected.
Here is what I’ve learnt about envy; say X is something you have seen in other people and want it badly for yourself. You don’t want X, you want to be the person who gets applauded for having X. There is a big difference in the phrasing; a detail that is often overlooked. First off, without the recognition, X wouldn’t be as desirable. Its human nature to want to be more valuable and it so happens that X is achievable to you. Second, X is so appealing because it belongs to other people. In our minds, Other is a mysterious land, devoid of misery, full of X, greener grass and all good things. Deep down we know everyone has struggles but its hard to imagine what we don’t see. This is actually good news, because X is no longer the only path to our true desire, which is appreciation, there are plenty other ways to be valuable. Second, we can now look at X in 3D, wth all its might and worries, should we decide to pursue it. Instead of fighting envy, we can work with it.
Envy is a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, possessions. Today, there are 8 billion people who have something you don’t. You are bound to feel envious and others will be envious of you. It neither feels good nor light but its fire burns bright. Don’t dismiss it; envy is trying to tell you something, listen to it, no, I mean really listen.
