10mintes 51 seconds, that’s the fastest I can run a mile, emphasis on fastest. The stars have to align for this to happen, I’d have to run on a flat surface, with good weather, fresh legs, sufficient training and of course I’d have to push really hard. In the same time, the elite marathoner Eliud Kipchoge runs twice the distance and then some. If I were to run alongside him, I’d look like Brittany while he flies ahead. Depending on your outlook, the imagery is either really inspiring or simply embarrasing. Either way, there is no denying that I’m slow.
Of course I should expect to be slower than an elite runner, but surely I’ve got to at least match the average runner, right? Well, here are the facts, I’ll let you be the judge. In most group runs, I run with the sweeper. In races, I run with the party pace crowd not because I’m undertrained or taking it easy. I’ve grown used to the sound of people passing despite doing my best effort. I’ve even been the sweeper at one small race. So yeah, I’m universally slow, a fact that doesn’t sit well with my Type A personality. When your brain is wired for control, competition and winning, it takescomplete mindset refinement to accept what feels like defeat. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely got faster over years of running, just not fast enough. Despite all that, I keep running and showing up at races, here’s why:
- Its a number’s game.
Someone punched the numbers and confirmed that runner’s paces are no exception to the bell curve. I fall on the tapering edge of the curve (whichever represents the slow ones), so statistically speaking, most runners are faster than me. There is a few of us hanging out at this edge, and its validating to know that we exist. When I struggle to keep up, its comforting to know that I’m neither abnormal nor a failure, I’m simply a statistic.
- Its all relative.
In some races I’m in the middle of the pack, in others I sweep. I wish I was fast as some of my friends but they wish they were faster than other runners. Years ago I wished I was this fast, here I am wishing I was faster. In other words, irrespective of where I am I will always want to be faster. If I’m gonna be at this for the rest of my life, I might as well appreciate how far I’ve come and enjoy the process.
- Limitations means more challenges.
I’m too slow to qualify for Boston Marathon or make the cut-off for a 100 miler but there are so many other ways I can challenge myself. I have yet to run a sub-2 hour half marathon but am getting closer year after year. I have yet to run an ultra but I will be running my first 50k in a few months, the primary goal being to make the cut-off. I have yet to find out how far or how high I can go in a timed race. With my limits, I have a lot more goal posts to reach, more opportunities to grow and more milestones to be celebrate, an unexpected upside.
- Minority bond.
The minority bond is the instant connection you make with people in the same minority group as you. I’m familiar with it not only as a black woman in tech but also as a runner. While majority of runners are at the peak of the bell curve, a few of us are at the edge and its always exciting when we find each other. In some races I’ve ran, I’ve connected with complete strangers simply because our paces match. Side by side as we run and talk about out of our shared passion and struggles, unlikely connections are made.
- More flow.
One of the things I like about running is the flow I get to experience when I’m in the zone. Being slow means for the same distance I get to experience it longer; not a outcome. Quoting Hector Garcia from Ikigai.
The happiest people are not the ones who achieve the most. They are the ones who spend more time than others in a state of flow.
Every day, I have to contend with the fact that I’m not good at something I love, that my best effort is not good enough and that I’m probably not a serious runner. Its not all bad because I also get to practice acceptance for things that are beyond my control, gratitude for what my body is capable of doing and audacity to reach new limits. I may not win any awards but I will certainly beat the competition. My competiton has and will always be the girl in the mirror.
