The keyword is trust. Every goal you’ve ever had, every insecurity, every stressor, every conversation you’ve had or wanted to have is a function of trust or lack of thereof. If that sounds controversial, read on. I’m no psychologist but I’m an observer with a knack for listening and paraphrasing. Lately I’ve found myself saying, “It sounds like you need more trust in your life.” a lot. Funny thing is I could say that in any setting and it would fit right in; from to career mentoring, to life coaching, even good old gossiping.
They say money is the universal currency only because it is quantifiable. In reality, trust is the real denominator, if you listen closely, you’ll realize everyone is talking about it. You are worried about people will think because you don’t trust them enough to be vulnerable, the same can be said about why you’re afraid to ask for help. You are stressed about the future because you don’t trust the system in which you operate. You feel out of your element when you’ve lost trust in yourself. You feel the need to control every move because you don’t trust yourself or your sorroundings.
See, where there is trust, everything is simply effortless. Growing up in a high-trust society, I can speak of it from first hand experience. It looks very jovial; care-free children playing in the streets, neighbors looking after each other, doing life together, friends becoming families. Of equal if not more importance, is everything that trust eliminates: loneliness, stress, the need for excessive security and overpriced care. I didn’t appreciate it then but I do now.
Conversely I can point the lowest phases of my life to my fundamental dip in trust. I lost trust in the universe when it took away my parent. I lost trust in my body the moment I was exposed to diet culture. I lived through the struggles of trust-reset everytime I’ve changed jobs/cities.Trust me (pun intended) when I say it has always been about trust. Let’s talk about it.
We all know what trust feels like, at some point in our life we are bound to fall on either side of it. It is unshakeable belief in the reliability/ability of something. This ‘something’, the object of trust has many flavors. I think of them in three layers, trust in oneself, trust in sorroundings and trust in the universe. Here is how I think about them.
- Self
Do you believe in your ability to do what you set out to do? to follow-through? How do you think of yourself when you interact with the world? Self-trust is the foundation upon which the other levels are built. It is much harder to trust anyone else without it.
- Sorroundings
Do you trust your setup to be aligned with your best interests? By setup I mean your core team, people you interact with regularly; friends, family, colleagues. Conversely, do you care about their best interests? Being the most documented level of trust, we all agree on its importance.
- Universe
When all that’s left is out of your control, do you trust the universe to be looking out for you? We all have a belief system, however unconventional, we need one. Whether its rooted in religion, science or karma, its more important that it exists.
In an ideal world we have all levels of trust and live happily ever after, but alas we live in the real world. The world runs on relationships, whose foundation is trust. It is the insurance policy we need against an uncertain world. Trust is earned over time, by way of effort, loyalty and communication. For as long as we live, the carousel keeps moving.
If you ask me what I’m upto these days, I’ll probably reply with something generic that fits the context of small talk. I’m probably working hard to the earn the trust of colleagues, learning a new hobby to gain trust in myself, being more present to keep the trust of my community. What I’m really saying is: “I’m working on increasing my trust index”. I hope you are too!